Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I couldn’t get my mind to
be positive. I was just angry. Some days I’m just pissed that I’m losing my mobility. I feel it in everything I do. I can’t even do the things I used to do that were simple everyday tasks. I tell myself every night before bed that tomorrow will be a good day. Tomorrow I will do laundry. I will clean. I will take the dog outside to play. I will eat. It’s a huge letdown when I can’t even accomplish the simplest of things. The pain I feel is indescribable. It’s not a normal pain. I guess maybe if you tape eight 5 pound bags of sugar to each of your legs and walk around for a few hours.. maybe you might get a small taste of what it feels like. Imagine it doubled and then tripled. I’m a prisoner in my own body. I don’t see it , in my mind I see the old me. Only the mirror tells the truth. I want to be free from this. I want to enjoy life. I want to walk to my mailbox, walk down or up stairs without fear of falling. I want to go on trips that we don’t have to plan around my ability to travel without paying the price by having more swelling and pain. I want to eat wherever we want without worrying about the chairs hurting me. I want to go places without being mocked and laughed at. I want to dress in normal clothes, and not get scratches and bruises from bumping into stuff.
Today I’m better than yesterday. Who knows what tomorrow brings.
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